


I love you....

by snjeguljica33



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Jude Kinkade/Zero | Gideon - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:18:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snjeguljica33/pseuds/snjeguljica33
Summary: Zero's thoughts...





	1. Chapter 1

I was surprised by myself when I told him this three words. But I thought every word, each letter. I said aloud what I've known for a long time. Only, that was not enough, because he knew it. He knew I was still not one hundred percent.   
I'm still not prepared to release and jump into the unknown. Why am so dishonored to him?

Maybe I still don’t think I deserve him. Jude certainly deserves and can do better. But why cann’t let him go?  
As soon as someone approached to him, my blood boil. Danny wasn’t even a threat. Jude only wanted someone to say him that liked him, someone who would look at him as a schoolboy, what Danny did.  
Lucas was already more dangerous. It's been my agent for some time and I know enough to know how soon it will be shown to him to take advantage of Jude's vulnerability.

And despite all this, I said NO again when he said he wanted everything. And Jude would give it all, even more than that. How long will I push him from myself? Am I irreversibly damaged? Why I don’t have the strength to accept someone's unconditional love? What's wrong with me?

I lie awake for hours. How will I play a decisive match tomorrow If I don’t sleep at least a little? But it doesn’t help, I hear in my ears again and again every Jude's words "I love you too, but ... that's still not enough ..."  
He's right, I'm not enough for anyone, especially for Jude. He didn’t ask for anything special. Just an ordinary love story. Hand in hand and heart in palm. Do I have a heart of stone?

How would I like him to be here next to me? When I could pull off all the bad words and parts that hurt him. To take him in my arms and swing like a child.  
I love you Jude. I never loved anyone like you. And I will never do. And what's my problem then?  
If I cann’t totally give it to him, will I be alone forever? Probably...

*****  
I can’t believe my own ears. Lucas spits on the man I love. He had sex with the man I love! And I do absolutely nothing. I stand there with sour smile on all the abominations he has pronounced about Jude.  
He is not worthy to pronounce Jude's name. But neither did I. I'm worse. I lost Jude again. I denied him as Peter Jesus. How many times? And now Jude will stand on the podium and wait for Lucas to let him down.  
Maybe I should break Lucas nose or teeth. Anyway, that would not change the fact that I'm a bigger scam even from him.

I don’t remember very good second half. Now that everyone around me glorifies, my eyes only see Jude. He stands alone and again betrayed.  
Then the veil finally fell from my eyes. I don’t care about all these insignificant people around us, for a career, for nothing.... except Jude.

"I can’t talk now, I'm waiting for someone ..." I think Jude said something like that, but I don’t want to talk anymore. We talked enough.   
I reared up on toes, grab his face and kiss him.

I can’t hear people, no rumors, I just hear the beating of our hearts. I feel the heat that comes from Jude to me.   
"You're mine" I whisper to him and hope he hears me. And I hope he knows from now on that I will be only his.


	2. I love you, too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude thought

Shit! Why he still tortures me?? Didn’t I have enough shitty day?  
It's late and I just want to sleep. What Zero doing here? Looks like he's waiting for me. I think I was clear. I have enough hiding and to be his dirty secret.

I wanted to pretend I don’t see him, but he will not allow me that for sure. And then... a boom. After a few courtesy words ... “I love you” ... What?

So, I love you, too, was that ever questionable? Only, they are not the magical words that will make it disappear everything has been done and make him another person.

I know how much courage he needed to say that. I knew before this that he loves me, but I also knew that nothing will change.

I'm not unreasonable. Zero would put a lot more on the dice than me. But he and I have learned very early that everything in life is gambling.  
And in this world there is little thing that was worth fighting for, and the two of us had something precious. We were lucky.

And then his NO, like a cold shower. I wasn’t surprised either. Zero wasn’t ready to fight. I knew that anyway. This is the end. I sit in a car without saying goodbye and I don’t look back. 

 

*  
Lucas was much more interesting at dinner than in bed. I know I'm dishonored, I had to compare him with just one person. I couldn’t help himself. Zero was a stud, and Lucas? I try to be as coarse as possible. Lucas was an ordinary horse.  
Sorry.

Still, although I extorted date, Lucas was barely decent enough not to say that this was just fun. He wanted to see me a second time. Hooray. Not ...

On the other hand, I wanted to see how it was when someone choose me. Me!  
And now I stand among the mass that scants, and I just look at where Lucas will come from. He might have talked to somebody, or ... oh no, not again ... 

I see Zero approaching me. How many times do I have to say I don’t want anything more with him? Or maybe he knows exactly what's going on and come to enjoy my torment?

I'm trying to be unpleasant "I can’t talk, I'm waiting for someone" but Zero is kind of weird. He goes by and I hear something, but I'm not sure I heard it well, when he leaned and kissed me. Just like that, there in front of millions of people?

Is it possible that all the walls fall? I still can’t figure out what this means.  
I love you, too, I whisper again and pull him out. At least tonight will be just our time. Finally...


	3. who's loving you...

Jude has the feeling that he will die of happiness (or perhaps exhaustion). After a couple of hours of sex, both of them lie on own side od the bed in a gap between reality and sleep.

Jude was almost asleep when suddenly opened his eyes and remembered Lucas. Discomfort passed down his spine. Really? It hasn’t been 24 hours since he was with Lucas in this same bed. But ... it's not a problem. He remembered what Zero said on the parquet ... "Why he wouldn’t come?" ... "Because I told him?!”

This can mean only one thing. Lucas and Zero talked, but what exactly?

There was no time or place now for that, but either now or never "What did Lucas say to you?" Jude hears himself as he asks.  
Zer was almost asleep "What?" he asks sleepily.  
"You've heard me" Jude leans on one hand and turns to him.

Zero try pretends to sleep, but he knows that when Jude gets caught up for something, he will not let it go so easily.

"Did he say something ugly? Well, whatever it is, tell me ... " Jude ask again.  
"It's nothing ..." Zero tries to say something neutral, but when he sees Jude watching and waiting for him, he finally says "He said something that you were neurotic and used to disappointment ... and went away. He didn’t intend meet you." Zero can’t look into his eyes.

"He is right" Jude lie on his back and looks at the ceiling.  
Zero hoped that this topic would never come to the agenda. If he hated something when Jude is unhappy. He didn’t know how to correct this, and he was primarily guilty of it.

"It's not right" Zero says louder than he intended. He is now angry at himself. Because he has been a disappointment for Jude for a long time. Even because he did nothing while Lucas insulted Jude.

All of a sudden his big gesture didn’t look so noble now. "Sorry, I should've told you." Zero say.  
Jude grabs him by the hand "Don’t misunderstand me, I'm not mad at you. You just wanted to protect me. "

"Really? Why I didn’t protect you from myself? " Zero feels stuck in his throat.

Jude discourage yourself even more. Now he managed to spoil the most beautiful night in his life. He could have left this stupid story for another time, but the hell couldn’t, he wanted to know.

He got up and went to the kitchen by the water and maybe thinking about everything.  
Zero doesn’t know what to do either. To get up and go after him, or to wait for him? He waited long enough!

"Jude" he says quietly when finds him in front of fridge "you have no reason to feel bad. Lucas is an idiot. But in one thing he was right. I'm responsible for you getting used to disappointment. I was worse than Oscar and Lucas. Please give me a chance, I want to show you how wrong they are. I will do ... "  
Jude turned to him "you want water?" he asks, smirking.

"Does that mean you want it?" Zero asks.  
"I know it will take time, but yes, I want, all..." Jude is pulling him to the bedroom "Come on, we have to sleep a bit, tomorrow we have obligations, and who knows what's waiting for us."

The next day LA Devils plays that humnitarnary match. Jude from the showplace watches his man play. He sees nothing but him.

Zero sees that a lot of journalists around the field, even seeing that Lucas is here too. Super. He just can’t wait for the game to finish.

Zero came straight to Jude and kissed him without hesitation. Why not? Lucas stands a little further without a word, but can’t take his eyes off them. Zero doesn’t even pay attention to the journalists, to anyone, other than Jude.  
Grab him by the hand and pull it toward the exit. From the crowd that has been made, they must pass by Lucas. Zero thinks a few moments to hit him, but changes his mind.

He leaned over and whispered to him "I think that I will not need your services anymore" he paused, then stopped for the moment and caught Jude on ass. "This will never be yours again. Suck? Isn’t it?"

Jude didn’t even look at Lucas, only tightened Zero's hand and walked away from the field with a smile.


End file.
